Don't Fight the Music

As with most forms of art, there are those pieces of music or sculpture or painting that you'll dislike. Perhaps what they portray or teach don't match with your ideals of right and wrong. You'll disagree on a moral level. Perhaps they bring forth memories of the past. Maybe they just look or sound chaotic and simply don't make any sense to you. In all honesty you may not know why you don't like the art, but it might just be grating to you and make you want to turn away. Still, there was and often is a real, living, feeling, breathing human being full of senses, sympathies, misgivings, prejudice and paradoxes behind that creation. Behind all art, prose and poetry are the feelings approximated in the expressions of their craft. The ability to see and feel through the art into the heart of another person, this is the challenge and amazing quality of art. Everyone has a song and they are always singing it. They want to be heard, really listened to, and find out they are not alone.

Appreciating art because of the human behind it, has for me become a simile to working with people with whose opinions I disagree. My Dad would say, "Son, behavior has its reasons." I first remember him saying this when I worked as a Scout leader and got a front seat to the varied expressions of teenage boys. Invariably as I got to know each boy, I found many reasons for strongly held opinions, and behaviors. Often, the life experiences behind these behaviors even for young boys are deep and poignant.

I see similar issues when working in a team of people. The disagreements had in office discussions of the "obviously objective" technology problems often have their roots in other aspects of life much deeper and more powerful and often hidden. This is why teams that have learned to interact with each other "off the clock" as friends and treat each other as respected individuals, for who they are, today, are more successful at solving problems.

I like a good debate and enjoy the challenge of a difficult problem and opposing viewpoints. My experience at Microsoft was of a very "challenging" kind of culture. There you can't squeak out an idea without several counters and objections. This can be good, honest disagreement, but also can turn into ugly contention that yields no redeeming fruit. (It can also drown out innovation since ideas don't have time to germinate and grow and most importantly interact.) Everyone has different tolerance levels for this kind of discord and those who are naturally shy, not quick witted in a debate, or easily persuaded will often find themselves quieted and discontent. This is especially sad when that individual is full of really good ideas, ideas that need to be listened to and acted upon.

Certainly you can't change others, but how can you avoid the destructive discord? How do you know when a good debate has turned into a bad debate? I have noticed in myself the following warning signs:

Respect. If I don't have a deep respect, on a personal level, for the people with whom I'm working, a discussion can degrade incredibly fast. When I'm working with people like this, I have to keep on a higher state of alert.

Civility vs. Hostility. This includes the obvious things like pointing and repeating "you" a lot. In all things keep the discussion civil. Take the time to reinforce with sincerity that you think there's something you don't understand. Let them know you are pushing forward because you think there's something important worth understanding.

Desire to understand. When I sense my desire to understand dissipate and my desire to prove myself right increase, this is a sure indication that the discussion is heading down a destructive path. I can feel it. There's something not right in the air. I get tense, not relaxed. These are signs for me that I need to regroup, reevaluate and possibly try again later.

Judgement. Another indicator is if I am in my mind passing judgement on the individual. I can sense this when I find that I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next while they are still talking, or when I interrupt their thoughts and don't let them finish. I think I already know what they are going to say, so why wait it out? This kind of impetuous behavior indicates that I'm placing myself on a higher moral ground, and this lack of humility doesn't allow understanding, and without understanding, there's little possibility of unity or resolution.

I'm sure there are other even better ways to avoid the pointless and destructive arguments, but this is what I've found so far. In reality, everyone has a song. Listen to it. Find the art in it. Discover what it is saying and if possible the reasons behind the melody. Don't fight the music. There's a person in there waiting to be found.

Thoughts from Dad

I have a great friend in my Dad. He takes time to listen to me. He tries to help me. Our conversations are not so much about some grand conclusion as they are about exploration and discovery. Recently he sent me an email follow up to a conversation we were having. Here's what he wrote:

1. I am different. So I need to figure out how others think, because they don't think like I do.

2. Learning about change is not changing.

3. Most people agree that improvement and change is needed, until it means they have to change.

4. Getting someone to want to change is hard.

5. The power of the group, has something in it that facilitates change. (Carl Rogers)

6. Most leaders say, "You need to do this... You need to change... Good luck! See you later." Instead of, "You can change. I can help."

7. It's important to setup an environment that balances building the person and getting the job done.

Man, I love my Dad.

Google Desktop vs. Spotlight

Over at The Unofficial Apple Weblog, Scott McNulty has a review of Google Desktop for the Mac version 1.0. If QuickSilver were not enough, may this provide Apple the substantive reason to improve the speed and responsiveness of Spotlight. Please.

Something Great

Consider this summary of the story of a horse named Snowman by Joseph B. Wirthlin:

Harry de Leyer was late to the auction on that snowy day in 1956, and all of the good horses had already been sold. The few that remained were old and spent and had been bought by a company that would salvage them.

Harry, the riding master at a girls' school in New York, was about to leave when one of these horses—an uncared-for, gray gelding with ugly-looking wounds on its legs—caught his eye. The animal still bore the marks that had been made by a heavy work harness, evidence to the hard life he had led. But something about him captured Harry's attention, so he offered $80 for him.

It was snowing when Harry's children saw the horse for the first time, and because of the coat of snow on the horse's back, the children named him "Snowman."

Harry took good care of the horse, which turned out to be a gentle and reliable friend—a horse the girls liked to ride because he was steady and didn't startle like some of the others. In fact, Snowman made such rapid improvement that a neighbor purchased him for twice what Harry had originally paid.

But Snowman kept disappearing from the neighbor's pasture—sometimes ending up in adjoining potato fields, other times back at Harry's. It appeared that the horse must have jumped over the fences between the properties, but that seemed impossible—Harry had never seen Snowman jump over anything much higher than a fallen log.

But eventually, the neighbor's patience came to an end, and he insisted Harry take back the horse.

For years, Harry's great dream had been to produce a champion jumping horse. He'd had moderate success in the past, but in order to compete at the highest levels, he knew he would have to buy a pedigreed horse that had been specifically bred to jump. And that kind of pedigree would cost far more than he could afford.

Snowman was already getting old—he was eight when Harry had purchased him—and he had been badly treated. But, apparently, Snowman wanted to jump, so Harry decided to see what the horse could do.

What Harry saw made him think that maybe his horse had a chance to compete.

In 1958, Harry entered Snowman in his first competition. Snowman stood among the beautifully bred, champion horses, looking very much out of place. Other horse breeders called Snowman a "flea-bitten gray."

But a wonderful, unbelievable thing happened that day.

Snowman won!

Harry continued to enter Snowman in other competitions, and Snowman continued to win.

Audiences cheered every time Snowman won an event. He became a symbol of how extraordinary an ordinary horse could be. He appeared on television. Stories and books were written about him.

As Snowman continued to win, one buyer offered $100,000 for the old plow horse, but Harry would not sell. In 1958 and 1959, Snowman was named "Horse of the Year." Eventually, the gray gelding—who had once been marked for sale to a low bidder—was inducted into the show jumping Hall of Fame.

For many, Snowman was much more than a horse. He became an example of the hidden, untapped potential that lies within each of us.

For me this story is both inspiring and challenging. Inspiring, because it makes me think I can do something really great. Challenging, because I don't know what that is exactly. Of course, everyone has their different ideas about what constitutes "something great", but more and more I'm starting get an idea. I've always loved this quote by Jenkins Lloyd Jones:

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.

“[The fact is] most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride"

And then M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled:

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been especially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?

I suppose I'll finish this way: I've been feeling very thankful these last few days. Thankful for my job and the people I've been able to work with over the years. Thankful for the enormous challenges we get to tackle and the support I've been given from so many people, not the least of which has been my family. So many times, things could have really turned out bad, and they didn't. And then some times they did, and we worked through that too. So, maybe that is something great, sustained effort toward worthy goals. Either way, I sure am learning a lot.

You can do it!

My Dad just sent me this inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

For me, at least, this is true and reading it reminded me of a great post by Seth Godin on ways to defend the status quo:

Top ways to defend the status quo

1. "That will never work."
2. "... That said, the labor laws make it difficult for us to do a lot of the suggestions [you] put out. And we do live in a lawsuit oriented society.""
3. "Can you show me some research that demonstrates that this will work?"
4. "Well, if you had some real-world experience, then you would understand."
5. "I don't think our customers will go for that, and without them we'd never be able to afford to try this."
6. "It's fantastic, but the salesforce won't like it."
7. "The salesforce is willing to give it a try, but [major retailer] won't stock it."
8. "There are government regulations and this won't be permitted."
9. "Well, this might work for other people, but I think we'll stick with what we've got."
10. "We'll let someone else prove it works... it won't take long to catch up."
11. "Our team doesn't have the technical chops to do this."
12. "Maybe in the next budget cycle."
13. "We need to finish this initiative first."
14. "It's been done before."
15. "It's never been done before."
16. "We'll get back to you on this."
17. "We're already doing it."

Let these phrases be warning signs for your mind. There is greatness to be had, don't let it slip through your fingers!

My Dream App

So a new website has launched that intends to use the "wisdom of crowds" to identify the best ideas for a new "dream" Mac application. The registered users get to vote on all the ideas to narrow down the field, then judges will decided on 3 winning ideas. The net result will be 3 new Mac applications that will prove the, ahem, wisdom (or lack thereof) of those participating. I think it will flop. I hope it's wildly successful.

Great ideas are NOT the limiting factor in software development! It's so much more about execution! Further, the driving forces behind great execution are much more multifaceted than a simple paper specification about how some application should behave. My favorite part of this process is:

Customer: Please build X.
Developer: Okay.
(Time passes)
Developer: Here is X!
Customer: I know what I want, and X isn't it.

It's everything that happens after this conversation that's important, not before. I liked what Daniel Jalkut says:

This contest will do nothing except put a heavy burden on a small development team to turn somebody else’s ideas into the type of application that can usually only be inspired by the developer’s own dreams. Even when a team pursues a dream - their dream - success is far from assured.